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5Q: Tips from a Miami dating coach

Thu, Oct 21, 2010

5 Questions


Dan Silverman is the author of The Seven Steps to Inner Game Power, and also the founder of Miami Dating Coach, a coaching service for both men and women. Dan is a regular guest on TV, including MTV, CBS4 Miami, My33 and Univision.

1- So, in a nutshell, what are your best dating tips?

DS: The best advice I can give that will significantly improve your chances of finding love right away is to expose yourself to new people in the right places. You are extremely unlikely to meet your next significant other in a Miami Beach club. Place time in your busy schedule to go to local events that offer activities you love to do, especially if it involves interacting with others. I enjoy taking salsa classes and going to salsa events. I met my last long-term girlfriend at one of these events.

2- In his fictional piece They Always Leave, Jeremy Glazer writes that the good ones always seem to leave Miami. What are the particular challenges in a city where people are always coming and going?

DS: He is somewhat correct. Good women leave because they can’t stand the superficial culture of Miami. A good woman is one who understands her intrinsic value, who places more importance on her goals, her personality, and her charisma. She may ultimately grow tired of the Miami culture.

Unfortunately, a lot of men in Miami are intimidated by a woman like this so good women often have a lot of trouble meeting good men. She may decide to leave for a place where there are more people with her same mentality.

Miami may be a superficial city overall, but I have met some of the most amazing wonderful women here. Miami has an abundance of good women. I know many of them.

3- How does dating in South Florida compare to other places?

DS: Dating in Miami can be very difficult because this city is notorious for casually hooking up and not finding long lasting love. There are so many beautiful women in Miami. It can easily damage a woman’s sense of self-value if she does not look like a model.

Also, women tend to be much more on guard because of the onslaught of deceitful players. This in turn makes them even less likely to meet a good guy because only a jerk would be willing to approach or put up with a woman who acts aloof or standoffish. Men, on the other hand, have a very difficult time competing because masculinity and superficiality are exceptionally important in this city. It is simply part of the culture here and if a man does not have money or great looks, he will have to work harder than normal to get female attention.

4- In another story, Mismatch.com, Glazer concludes that Internet dating can be like having a McGriddle for breakfast: “It may look great in the
picture, but once you eat it, you’re sick for the rest of the day.” Do you think that’s true?

DS: I disagree with him on the online dating thing. It’s only awful if you’re doing it wrong. Online dating is a science as much as it is an art form.

The science: If you are a 20 or 30 something year old man writing to attractive women between the ages of 18 – 25, your odds of her reading it are 100 to 1, because that’s about how many emails she receives each day.

Also, a younger woman generally will not write back to you if you are younger than her by two years or more. So the optimal age of women you target online should be your age or two years older. The older you are, the older you can go, too. If the women you meet turn out to be epic failures, you need to improve your screening skills over the phone.

5- We ask the same last question of everyone.. In three words, how do
you describe the experience of living in South Florida?

DS: Hot, fun and spicy.

EDITOR’S NOTE: We found out about Dan and his dating coach business through a loyal listener, Marsha Matson. Here’s her note to us: “After reading the Herald article about your show, I thought you might be interested in the unusual Miami-based business of Dan Silverman. Dan utilizes South Beach, Miami, and Coral Gables clubs, bookstores, restaurants, and malls to coach male and female clients on effective and ethical dating attitudes and techniques. He has expanded his business to the internet with audio presentations, videos, and newsletters as well as in person bootcamps and individual coaching sessions. His e-book is forthcoming. Please look at www.miamidatingcoach.com. His proud mom, Marsha Matson.” Thanks, mom!

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